Living Again
by KyoyaHime
Summary: Tsubame's musings about a certain captain.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Karneval or its characters. Only this pale attempt at writing about them is mine.**

I've always been the crybaby sort of girl; weak and cowardly. Even when I was little, it had always been Gareki or Yotaka who defended me from all the bullies. I never could fend for myself. And then Tsubaki died and Gareki left. Shortly after, Yotaka died as well, leaving me completely shattered and defenseless; all taken away from me by Kafka. And then there was my sick bedridden grandfather, who could not be there for me anymore. He would do fine without me though, since someone else had secretly been paying his hospital bills.

I wanted to die. I had no purpose in living anymore. My twin brother who had been my reason of living after Tsubaki, had turned into a monster and had had to be killed right before my eyes. I had a good chance of turning into a monster too, even if it would not happen immediately, but I had had enough of living. If I was not killed, I'd probably take my own life - that was all until I met you.

You were the beginning of everything for me; my second chance at living. I still remember your concerned expression when you saw me for the first time. The hand you outstretched to me was big and warm. Your grip was firm and reassuring. And as I took your hand, my fortune changed overnight. You swept away this grimy little girl from her dirty little town and brought her to your ship, taking more care of her than anyone else had in a long time. You arranged for a nice bedroom – which for me was fit enough for a princess – and gave me a place to shower and clean clothes to change in. I was tended to and had my hair and nails done for me by robot rabbits gushing around, which I later came to know were guardians of the first ship. This was surely an attempt to make me look more presentable to the ship occupants but nonetheless, I felt pampered.

You gave me a place at your dinner table together with your subordinates, and told me to eat to my fill. There were too many delicious things to eat at that table that I was confused as to what to try first; all this seemed too good to be true. And after dinner, I was sent back to my room to sleep as we would be having a long day at the Research Tower the next day.

As predicted, I could not sleep properly. As soon as I closed my eyes, I was haunted by horrible nightmares that sent me panting as I awoke in shock. Restless and unable to sleep anymore, I started wandering in the ship and ended up being intercepted by the rabbits which carried me right up to your doorstep. You let out this amused laugh when you saw the scene and asked me if there was anything bothering me. I was too shy to look at you in the eye so I kept down my gaze and quietly told you that I couldn't sleep. You sat me in your office and spoke to me a little and then you assigned one of the rabbits to take care of me before sending me back to bed. I fell asleep hugging the rabbit and the nightmares came no more. I had thought that hugging something fluffy helped, but now I wonder instead if it hadn't been the sight of your smiling face and the soothing sound of your voice that had calmed me.

The next day I underwent medical examination at the Research Tower. When it was too scary for me, you held my hand and when I was on the verge of tears, you cracked jokes to make me laugh. After that, you took me to see my grandfather whose hospital bills had been taken over by Circus in exchange for my collaboration. I overheard the nurses talking and when I questioned them, they told me that it had been Gareki who had been paying my grandfather's hospital bills. At that time I was overwhelmed; I was both happy to know that he had not forgotten about us, and sad that we had been the reason to drive him away and get him to start earning money on his own. At that exact moment, I felt useless, worthless but I was determined to change that.

When I walked out of the hospital and found you waiting for me, my decision had already been made. Looking at you then, you seemed so strong; standing tall in your hat and tuxedo, with that red tie loosely tied around your neck and that expression of confidence on your face. And then you turned around and looked at me. Your eyes were an amazing gold colour and your red hair shone in the sun. You were too dazzling for me. But I wanted to be able to rival that. At that moment, I felt the need to prove myself to you. I told you I'd dedicate my body and soul to defeating Kafka. You admired my resolve and told me that that was wonderful spirit indeed. This made me feel a bit happier and more determined than I ever had been.

After a few days though, my medical reports came and I was announced that I was in no immediate danger of losing control of myself and becoming a Varuga anytime soon. My condition was perfectly stable thanks to the medication that Research Tower had administered to me and I could go on living a normal life. You were happy to hear that and made to celebrate. We had a small party with your subordinates – though I am not sure they were entirely willing, saying that you were always celebrating every little thing – and after that you called me to your office for a private chat. I was scared. I had been living on the ship for a few days now, and I had grown accustomed to that life; I liked your company. That was just wishful thinking and very selfish of me, but I did not want to leave the ship and find myself on my own. I was afraid you would make me leave now that there was apparently nothing wrong with me.

As soon as I knocked on the door to your office, you welcomed me in with your usual joyous demeanor. You reminded me of an oversized Cheshire cat with your slightly slouched posture and that lazy grin spread across your face, but you were flawlessly elegant as always. Your hair was the colour of the wine that was in the glass sitting on your table; you offered me tea claiming that I was too young to drink and asked me about what I wanted to do with my future. As I sipped my tea, I realized that my answer was going to determine what would become of me now. This was the turning point in my life.

You had been protecting me for days so far and I knew that this would come to an end sooner or later. I was but a guest on this ship. But I wanted to make this place my home, and there was only one solution to attain this. I told you I wanted to fight Kafka alongside Circus and that I didn't think that my life had any other purpose. You lay back in your chair and listened to me, your expression unreadable. You always had that half-smile plastered on your face, making it difficult to tell what you were thinking.

You took me by surprise when you asked me if I wanted to continue my studies. You said you'd be my guardian and would enroll me in Kuronomei; a school which aims to form future government officials – Circus members included. My mouth dropped open; you were giving me a chance to attend the prestigious Kuronomei academy. I asked you if it was alright if I did that and then accepted without any other question. We talked about various things before you sent me off to bed, saying I needed to sleep as there was work waiting for us.

The next day was to be my last day on the ship. We landed in town and you decided to take me for shopping, saying that a young girl should always have a proper wardrobe. The shops were filled with pretty clothes I know I could never have afforded, but you bought me everything I liked without even looking at the price tag. The dresses you chose for me were really pretty and I was delighted. You took me to one of those pretty coffee shops where we spent almost an hour talking in front of sweets and a cup of tea. You made me blush by telling me I was pretty while you looked very handsome yourself. You had taken time out of your busy schedule just for me and I was flattered by the attention.

My luggage was done; packed with all the clothes and materials you had provided me with to enable me to start a good student life. I made sure that I was leaving nothing behind as Jiki – the one who was escorting me off to Kuronomei – came to find me in my room. I asked him to give me two more minutes as I took in my surroundings and then looked at myself in the mirror. I would come back to this ship for sure, and I would make it my home after working hard and doing what it took to graduate from the Circus course of Kuronomei academy.

The girl I saw in the mirror was no more weak little Tsubame who always needed protection, she was now this determined grown-up girl who would fight for what she wants and to protect those she loves. She would avenge her elder sister and her twin brother; she would find Gareki once more so that they could live as a family again, and most importantly, she would fight and become strong enough to be able to walk by your side with her head held high; you who saved me and gave me a new life. I will catch up to you one day. Just you wait, I will become part of Circus and I will fight by your side, Captain Tsukitachi of Airship One.

**A/N: There you go, I've been craving for this couple ever since I saw them interact! I was surprised that there was not a single fanfic about them so I decided to write one myself. I might actually write an actual story about these two if I am inspired enough. Forgive any mistakes as I proofread this in a state of extreme tiredness. Leave me your thoughts!**


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